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Announcing: A Fistful of Breakfast

Remember the breakfast of champions? Remember how much fun you had? Want to do it again?

We're back, this time around with A Fistful of Breakfast. Each weekend, mostly on Saturdays, I'll be eating breakfast somewhere. And each week, if you're so inclined, you can join me at the breakfast table for some eggs, pancakes and maybe even a bloody mary or five. I'll try to get the emails out by Thursday each week with a time and location for the weekend.

Breakfast, Saturday 9.22.07 at 10:30 am at The Uptown in Uptown (the one across the street from Calhoun Square, not the Uptown Diner, which is further north from Lake on Hennepin, the place with the bloody mary's and the glasses you get with them that say "the uptown"). [map]

Also, I'll throw a new short piece of fiction on the end of each email each week starring the wholly made up character Joe Eastwood, Clint's younger, fictional brother. This weeks episode is entitled "Meet Joe Eastwood", enjoy...


The Further Adventures of Joe Eastwood
(Clint's fictional younger brother)

"Meet Joe Eastwood"

The kid at the MacDonald's counter had a lip ring and frosted blond highlights in hip mop of brown hair. Good God, thought Joe Eastwood,I really hate pansies. Joe was having a hard time deciding between the bacon egg & cheese biscuit meal and the bacon egg & cheese McGriddle meal. There was no question that he'd be having coffee, black, straight up, but he couldn't decide on which sandwich and there was no way he was asking the Sally behind the counter or any advice on it. He'd rather go hungry the rest of his days than let this kid be the deciding factor on even the most trivial of things like which breakfast value meal to get.

Joe Eastwood had lived his whole life in the shadow of his older brother, Cling, for all of his days on this Earth. Clint got a new crib instead of a hand-me-down. Clint turned five first. Clint got the name Clint. But there was one thing that Joe owned outright while Clint just borrowed it every now and again, and it was this. Although Clint played a bad ass in his movies, Joe Eastwood was the real deal. He was all bad ass, all the time.

When Joe was in the third grade, he beat up Vinnie Mendoza for making out with Carl Tucker's girl under the pretense that if Vinnie was able to do it with Carl's girl, what was to stop him from trying it with Joe's girl? It didn't help matters when Vinnie pointed out that Joe had been making out with Carl's girl at the same party, because all Joe did was point out to Vinnie that "life's not always fair, especially when you're the one losing the fight".

Joe started smoking when he was in the fourth grade.

By the fifth grade, he had beat the habit but continued smoking anyway, simply telling people, "I've just always kind of liked it".

While Joe was starting his first year of college, his brother's movie career was just taking off. He started to get recognized as the younger Eastwood and a few journalists even came around one time to interview him. Joe never minded. He thought life was the real challenge, not them moving pictures, as his ma always liked to call them. While Clint took on Hollywood, Joe took on higher education. He took Latin just to prove that he was tougher than the toughest language. He learned Calculus from a used text book he picked up for a quarter, studying the lessons while doing his daily regiment of five hundred push-ups. He even threw Scottie Tompkins out of a first floor window to prove that 150 lbs of nerd falls at the same velocity as 150 lbs of lead, although after throwing Scottie out the window, no one ever actually asked him to throw and measure the velocity of lead, and certainly no one pointed out how aerodynamics might come into play when not working in a vacuum.

After college he often claimed that he worked for the city, although that was as specific as he ever really got. In truth, Clint pad him for likeness rights due to his basing so many of his characters on Joe, but Joe didn't see that as a "real" job and didn't like telling people he was out of work (seeing that what Clint paid him for wasn't "real" work).

He'd never gotten close to a girl because he'd always been unnerved by the notion of that moment when she becomes comfortable enough to use the toilet in his presence. He'd read about those perverts that got their jollies off ladies peeing and such, and vowed that he'd never be one of them. Consequently, he'd never had a relationship that had lasted more than three weeks.

While Joe contemplated all of these things and more, the lip ringed, frosted blond brunette teenager lost interest and began sorting condiment packets beneath the counter.

"Hey, Molly," Joe said, "I'll take the biscuit meal."
A Fistful of Breakfast, just like Breakfast of Champions but without the fruit plates. Now serving, Breakfast 2.0.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
staticnull
Sep. 23rd, 2007 07:45 am (UTC)
always a day behind
since i get very little warning, ever, from a particular worm...this entry and the afob is a day late and a dollar short. we will try better next week, won't we worm 1?
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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A Fistful of Breakfast
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